Home Shame - by Michelle Norris
When was the last time you hosted a dinner party for friends at your home? Are you someone who entertains often because you have the gift of hospitality? Do you love being able to provide an atmosphere filled with good food, wine, love and laughter for your friends and loved ones? OR, are you like the rest of Americans, 61% to be exact, who will do anything (even lie if necessary) to AVOID having anyone over to your house because of "Home Shame"?
I can tell you that Bill and I have been part of both camps. We've hosted countless of birthday parties, youth events, bible studies, every Holiday party from New Year's to Easter, in the various homes we've lived in over the years. We've also been in seasons where we avoided this like the plague because of embarrassment over ugly couches, or dirty carpet or simply not having enough room. I've found myself caving in, and finally agreeing to hosting a gathering, but then keeping the back door and blinds shut tightly, instructing family members to make sure NO ONE even looked out the windows facing the back yard or set foot outside due to our horribly neglected back yard. It seemed there was always something I wasn't proud of and didn't want others to see.
When I read in the Sugru.com study that 61% of Americans are ashamed of their homes, I was shocked. There's no doubt in my mind that since that 2015 study, this percentage has only increased. I suspect that with the recent Millenial trends of tiny houses, or the inability for some to move out of their parents' homes at all, hosting friends and family is becoming harder and harder for this generation. And according to that study which included the Top 20 Reasons Americans are embarrassed of their home, the #2 reason was "Dated Carpets"! (See entire list below) As most of you know, I can offer a solution for that one. But why? Why is it so tragic to me that this art of entertaining which seemed to be so popular in the sixties, is now just a thing of the past?
I could seriously write a novel listing all the reasons that I think that fellowship and breaking bread together is so important. I won't. I'll just remind you that we need each other and isolation in excess is dangerous. Life is challenging and can feel dark and lonely at times but it's amazing how much of a pick me up it can be to just relax and laugh and share with friends. So many of my favorite movies are about family or friends' gatherings, and watching people laugh with each other and bicker with each other and learn from each other. I don't believe any of us were created to live this life by ourselves.
Also, have you seen how expensive it is to eat out with more than just your spouse or significant other lately? Bill and I have literally spent hundreds of dollars just for lunch, when trying to generously pick up the tab in a larger group. I've had that pang of anger (at myself) after leaving a restaurant that I felt rushed out of, knowing we could have cooked a better tasting meal, included wine, dessert and coffee for half of what we spent, and could have enjoyed more meaningful conversations where we would have actually been able to speak, not shout to each other, to be heard. Life is short, loved ones! Do you want to give this seemingly daunting feat a whirl? Invite me over the night before your party, and I'll first help you clean the mess, because as most of you know, I LOVE to clean!! And if it's more than just the mess that you're dreading having to deal with, call my hubby at Flooring Direct Temecula and he'll find something for your home that you can actually afford. He'll have it installed for you before you can get your Evites out to all of your Millennial friends who haven't seen the sun since their little league days.
I can tell you that in looking back on all the insecurities I've dealt with about hosting guests, I've realized that my loved ones never cared about those imperfections; and whether those gatherings were only about a game night with dessert or a stress-free potluck, the joy has always been simply in the togetherness!
Let's work together to get rid of Home Shame once and for all!
An excerpt from the Sugru study: "In a study of 1,000 people [...], 48 percent said their embarrassment about their home is usually confined to just a few rooms or areas, however 33 percent acknowledge they are ashamed of their whole house.
1. Mess
2. Dated carpets
3. Dated kitchen
4. Dirty/stained carpets
5. DIY jobs that haven't been started
6. Bad smells
7. Cracked walls/ceilings
9. Badly docorated
10. Faded or peeling paint
11. Old/broken furniture
12. Patchy Lawn
13. Too much clutter or trash
14. Incomplete DIY jobs
15. Bad/anti-social neighbors
16. Dated/shabby wallpaper
17. Overgrown yard
18. Mold or mildew patches
19. Bad location
20. Bold/garish schemes" By Dailymail.com Reporter Aprl 2015
I can tell you that Bill and I have been part of both camps. We've hosted countless of birthday parties, youth events, bible studies, every Holiday party from New Year's to Easter, in the various homes we've lived in over the years. We've also been in seasons where we avoided this like the plague because of embarrassment over ugly couches, or dirty carpet or simply not having enough room. I've found myself caving in, and finally agreeing to hosting a gathering, but then keeping the back door and blinds shut tightly, instructing family members to make sure NO ONE even looked out the windows facing the back yard or set foot outside due to our horribly neglected back yard. It seemed there was always something I wasn't proud of and didn't want others to see.
When I read in the Sugru.com study that 61% of Americans are ashamed of their homes, I was shocked. There's no doubt in my mind that since that 2015 study, this percentage has only increased. I suspect that with the recent Millenial trends of tiny houses, or the inability for some to move out of their parents' homes at all, hosting friends and family is becoming harder and harder for this generation. And according to that study which included the Top 20 Reasons Americans are embarrassed of their home, the #2 reason was "Dated Carpets"! (See entire list below) As most of you know, I can offer a solution for that one. But why? Why is it so tragic to me that this art of entertaining which seemed to be so popular in the sixties, is now just a thing of the past?
I could seriously write a novel listing all the reasons that I think that fellowship and breaking bread together is so important. I won't. I'll just remind you that we need each other and isolation in excess is dangerous. Life is challenging and can feel dark and lonely at times but it's amazing how much of a pick me up it can be to just relax and laugh and share with friends. So many of my favorite movies are about family or friends' gatherings, and watching people laugh with each other and bicker with each other and learn from each other. I don't believe any of us were created to live this life by ourselves.
Also, have you seen how expensive it is to eat out with more than just your spouse or significant other lately? Bill and I have literally spent hundreds of dollars just for lunch, when trying to generously pick up the tab in a larger group. I've had that pang of anger (at myself) after leaving a restaurant that I felt rushed out of, knowing we could have cooked a better tasting meal, included wine, dessert and coffee for half of what we spent, and could have enjoyed more meaningful conversations where we would have actually been able to speak, not shout to each other, to be heard. Life is short, loved ones! Do you want to give this seemingly daunting feat a whirl? Invite me over the night before your party, and I'll first help you clean the mess, because as most of you know, I LOVE to clean!! And if it's more than just the mess that you're dreading having to deal with, call my hubby at Flooring Direct Temecula and he'll find something for your home that you can actually afford. He'll have it installed for you before you can get your Evites out to all of your Millennial friends who haven't seen the sun since their little league days.
I can tell you that in looking back on all the insecurities I've dealt with about hosting guests, I've realized that my loved ones never cared about those imperfections; and whether those gatherings were only about a game night with dessert or a stress-free potluck, the joy has always been simply in the togetherness!
Let's work together to get rid of Home Shame once and for all!
An excerpt from the Sugru study: "In a study of 1,000 people [...], 48 percent said their embarrassment about their home is usually confined to just a few rooms or areas, however 33 percent acknowledge they are ashamed of their whole house.
1. Mess
2. Dated carpets
3. Dated kitchen
4. Dirty/stained carpets
5. DIY jobs that haven't been started
6. Bad smells
7. Cracked walls/ceilings
9. Badly docorated
10. Faded or peeling paint
11. Old/broken furniture
12. Patchy Lawn
13. Too much clutter or trash
14. Incomplete DIY jobs
15. Bad/anti-social neighbors
16. Dated/shabby wallpaper
17. Overgrown yard
18. Mold or mildew patches
19. Bad location
20. Bold/garish schemes" By Dailymail.com Reporter Aprl 2015
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